SR update, I wished him a happy birthday and left it at that. I so wish we hadn't parted in anger. I hate conflict. He still is not replying to me, not that I've said much too him. I hoped for a reply to my birthday text but it was not to be. I've offered up a couple of olive branches but I think he shot the doves! There is no way our relationship could continue and to be honest I don't think I would want it to. He doesn't want me I was just convenient at a point in time. But we had some good times, there were fun moments. Romantic moments, out and out hilarity, we worked on projects together at his home and mine. I helped out when he was having problems with authority, I drafted letters for him. He helped me landscape my garden, I helped build his conservatory. There is so much history there and it's gone from a hug and a kiss with an 'I love and miss you' to a situation where he does not acknowledge my existence and that hurts.
But, what can I do? I don't know if he is still angry with me for being upset or if he thinks a policy of non-communication will make the break up easier on both sides. I need that closure, that discussion. I want to remain friends, I hate hostility.
Other than that the day was spent Xmas shopping. My family also have loads of birthdays in the run up to Xmas so I've been looking out for gifts. I got a few today so I'm happy but not yet in full festive fling.
To be honest I'm dreading Xmas. It's a time of couples all being together, I'll be the only Singleton on Xmas day with the family. Everyone will be turning to their partners with love in their eyes and I'll be.....ooh entertaining the kids! Laughing and smiling, being jolly and inside feeling so empty.
I'll come home to a dark empty house. Nobody to snuggle up with and say 'It was a wonderful day wasn't it'.
I had to give up my voluntary work owing to work commitments and usually I do a shift at the centre, makes me realise there are people so much worse off than me. But this year that option is not open. Where I live, the organisation I worked for was the only one open over Xmas but it's all or nothing there, they don't take people on for a few shifts over the festive season.
Well, time to stop brooding, I'm supposed to be looking forward!!!! The guy I saw yesterday has been attentive and my old flame more so. It's strange that both of these guys have come out of the woodwork this week in particular. As one door closes???
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3 comments:
Sometimes what looks like a closing door can in fact be a revolving door just spinning around. So it's not the door, it's the people coming thru into your life.
Talking with the old flame and the coffee guy sounds promising. If not them, maybe they have some worthwhile friends you can meet. Things are looking up for you, the hard part is relaxing the hands to let go of the past.
I was once told that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. The old flame I had classed as a reason. He entered my life after my marriage breakdown and rebuilt my confidence. Made me feel worthy again. Strange that he re-enters when I'm in a similar situation.
As for SR, I don't yet know his purpose in my life. But I do believe in Karma and everything happens for a reason.
You and I share the same beliefs then. There's no such thing as coincidence.
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