Well, I still woke up smiling!!
I went to the gym and did class first thing before coming home and sweeping up the leaves in the garden. Autumn is a beautiful season but very messy. It was a gorgeous day, sunny and warm (for the time of year), one of those days when you can appreciate life and being alive. I started suffering from depression 5 years and it's something you never completely get over. You go for months without the black clouds hanging over you but sometimes life gets hard and they seep back through. The worst part of it though is you don't see it until you come through the other side.
The light seems to be coming back on. Half of the battle with depression is admitting it. I rarely do. Nobody I work with knows, I'm always the happy, bubbly bouncy one. The one to go to when you have a problem or are sad. If only they knew that there have been days over the last 5 years that I have considered driving my car into a pillar or jumping off a bridge.
It's a hard thing to admit too. I'm still so very sad about the baby. But I think the 'loss' of SR has taken a weight off me. I'm not sitting wondering who he is cybering or worse with. I've accepted he has gone and doing my damnedest to move on. I actually found myself smiling in Tesco this morning, and that never happens. I noticed an old lady smiling at me and realised that I had been smiling at her. Silly things I know but it's my blog and I'll be silly if I want to.
So, tomorrow, I'm going to make everyone think I'm mad by smiling more. It's contagious.
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4 comments:
Hope you wake up smiling again hon! Sometimes its good to make people think you are a little crazy and in doing so it does actually make you laugh and happy.
Well it will be Monday for you when you read this, so you have a great day and enjoy the small things!
r
Thank you Rosebud.
It's a really wet and cold morning here. Hope your Master has an umbrella!
I've got 2 days on the south coast though so hopefully it will be a bit nicer down there.
Take care
Bridget
-x-
The more you smile, the more some people will envy you. ;)
Hey Walter, is that a bad thing? But seriously, I'm doing it for me and those around me. If she happens to hear that I'm getting on with life she may realise that she's been sold a pup and perhaps the tales she's been told are untrue.
But most importantly, I need to move on.
I hope you had a good weekend xx
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