Fun day

Well it really was an early start today. The alarm went off at 4am and I struggled to get out of bed at half past. It was cold and dark and raining and the middle of the night. The longest day is next month though, after that the days will get shorter and it's downhill 'til spring. I'm still being optimistic!

I went off to my venue today, another three hours on the M25. I'm considering a caravan and just living on the embankment there. I spend so much time on it. I had a meet with 1 senior and 2 junior managers and the session went well. They learned everything they were supposed to, asked pertinent questions and we booked the next visit. I love it when people are motivated. It makes my life so much easier/nicer. I drove home in half the time it took to get there and did an hour's study.

I rang the coffee man before he went off to work and we had a chat, we are both looking forward to this weekend, he has told his sister about me, is that scary?

I'm now settling down for a quiet evening. I've still not text or spoken to SR. 11 days now with no contact at all. 17 since he last 'spoke' to me. I still get itchy thumbs, wanting to ring or text him but I'm resisting. I got a lot of wise advice from people about how much it would set me back and hurt me more. They were right and I'm trying to thank them for this by following it. I won't pretend it's easy though.

I'm on countdown at the minute though. The baby was due 2 weeks today. I had this with my last miscarriage so I was expecting the feelings to intensify. I keep welling up, thinking of what would have happened had I carried him to term. Everywhere I look there are either pregnant women or new babies. I know I'm paranoid but it's how I feel. This reads really stupidly. I am moving on, making plans, I've met someone nice but suddenly the old feelings just engulf me in pain. Within minutes of the pain hitting though, they are gone, until the next time. There is no warning, I go from bubbly and bouncy and happy to tearful and hurt and back again. An emotional rollercoaster.

I will get through it. I know I will. It will pass.

Bridget
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