I've tried texting him, no response. Ringing - it goes to answerphone. I need some answers, I need to know if he is out of my life forever, are we going to stay friends? What?
I don't want to act like a bunny boiler but the more he ignores me the more upset I get. Was the last 14 months for nothing. Did I mean nothing at all to him?
What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?
The sensible part of me says forget him. He was a cheating, lying, b*****d. You deserve better. You are an intelligent woman, why do you need this lowlife who can't lie straight in bed? Is it a fear of being alone? Perhaps. Is it because he did it not me? Perhaps. Do I love him? I don't know. All I know is I don't want this to end this way. With him storming off into the night never to be seen again.
I feel so stupid. Feeble. Clingy. I wouldn't care but I have a couple of guys in the background who have asked me out. Why is this guy who is openly sleeping with another woman and texting countless others so important to me. I'll never change him. He treats me badly. Stands me up. Is often late. I see him once maybe twice a week for 3 hours, hardly a commitment.
See, I can type this all down onto an anonymous pc. If I was reading this and not in the situation I can hear myself saying 'for god's sake girl get a grip, being alone is better than being with this guy'. I just need to believe it. Maybe I should chant it like a mantra?
I've just left both a text and an answerphone message asking him to call or suggesting I go over if he doesn't wish to call, so watch this space!!
Bridget
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