Well it finally came round. D Day. The day my baby was due. I have been on the edge of emotions all day. I tried really really hard to concentrate at work, and failed. I admit it, I text SR. I reminded him of the significance of the day and his reply was???? Well, I'm still waiting. He does not give a shit. The man who always goes on about the fact that the kids are the most important thing in his life (yeah right - well maybe they are at this age as he likes making a play for their 15 year old buddies) That was possibly the wrong thing to say but it's true. He took his daughters and a 15 year old friend to Egypt and played in the pool with the friend putting ice cubes in her bikini bottoms. Is that what you would expect of your daughter's friend's father? Even now he has loads of photos of her on his phone. So, I suppose the death of a foetus is of very little significance to him. He wanted me to abort anyway. When the baby died he said he was 'relieved'. Why the hell did I expect any sympathy from him? Why did I expect him to feel anything at all, let alone the emotions charging through my body at the minute. This may sound stupid because of the way things have developed between up but I would have given anything for him to just hold me and tell me he understood and was upset about the baby too. Is that too much to ask? I guess it is.
And so to bed.
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3 comments:
The thing is hon, you say you would give anything for him to hold you, but in reality he would never have done that, what you wish for and what you HAD are two totally different things. You want something he will not/cannot/is unable to provide. You need to keep that straight in your head honey. Try remember that the reason you are NOT with him is because he is not/was not/will never be right for you. You were perfect for him, but he was not perfect for YOU.
I wish you the warmest hugs, the sweetest thoughts and calm thoughts at a time when girl friends cant give what you "need" physically that a caring partner can, but we can be there in part to share your hurt, as most women will try, or already know the deep inner hurt you feel.
Chin up babe, thinking of you sweetness.
rosebud3cc
xxxx
Also thinking of you as a new online friend. Hugs with warm thoughts. I hope you are ok.
--{milla}
Thank you both so much. It means a lot to me that you can offer me the support you do when I can't talk to those closest to me in my life. It would devastate my mam if she knew how I was feeling, my sister would get angry and my girlfriends think I'm over him and everything that happened.
Once again thank you for your thoughts and kind wishes.
Hugs
Bridget
xxxx
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