Well the day ended absolutely terribly.
We ended up having the mother of all rows and barely talking. He left for work early this morning with me in tears and him grumpy. I tried to talk to him but the words came out all wrong. He got defensive and the more I tried to explain the more defensive he got.
I'm starting to get really bad vibes here. From being really happy with him, I'm getting to the watching every word I say and trying not to upset him.
I know I'm stressed and I tried to explain that, but...oh I just don't know.
He doesn't understand. I don't understand. We are niggling at each other. He has little Miss perfect to run off to and talk to about me and the way we are that makes me even more tense.
He doesn't understand as she is 'just a friend'.
I am so confused, my mind turns to SR, I get tearful. I feel so low at the minute.
Why can my life not be simple? You look around and everyone is in a relationship with someone, they dote on each other and it never happens to me. Every time I think things are going ok, they go bang! I don't think I am such a bad person, I know I have my faults, and plenty of them. But,....I just wish I could meet my handsome knight on a white horse and live happily ever after but I guess that's not my destiny is it?
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2 comments:
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
*grumbles*
Ok.... well...the good thing is YOU said how you felt. Thats the best and most honest to yourself and to him thing to do. Many times we have all tried to ignore our feelings because we have not wished to upset the apple cart. So for that Bridget, you did absolutely the right thing.
Whatever it was you argued about, dont feel unjustified for expressing your feelings. Dont let anyone say your feelings are wrong. They are what they are...YOUR feelings. Yes, we should all learn to compromise and we all need to learn to distinguish between what we perceive is real and what is not real, or (in my case complete paranoia).
Bridget, you are being true to yourself, you are being honest in your feelings and emotions and that is the single most important thing (in my opinion) to do within a relationship.
I am sure you and coffee man shall get through it, discuss it and feel better for it, in fact I am sure that at the time I am writing this, hopefully it shall already be resolved.
I think back to guys I used to date, (eons ago). I used to fake orgasms. I never had a great sex life.
If a person fakes their feelings, they shall never have a great relationship. In my mind its the same sort of thing. If I faked an orgasm, they thought they were giving one to me, so when (or if) I ever brought it up it was a very difficult issue to deal with.
Same thing applies to our thoughts and emotions. We say one thing and mean another...it builds resentment within us (as females), they have no idea, we boil over 6 months later and then sometimes its too involved to fix?
Way better to start with honesty from the beginning. So please, never have guilt for expressing your feelings, never have doubt in your words. Now I dont mean be stubborn, but I mean allow yourself to talk. If your partner doesnt understand initially, or gives another view point, allow yourself to listen. Accept what you can from trusting your intuition and knowledge in that person, compromise, bend sway, but never allow yourself to be ridiculed.
Love hugs and kisses to my lil Ms Jones
Take care hun, it will all pick up and be rosie again soon.
xxxx
When we talked again he said I was being paranoid, but when I gave some examples I think he started to see what I was saying.
I said I was thinking of just walking away and he asked me not to, and said we needed to work on our communication. I know we do.
Things have been on eggshells all day and we have tiptoed around each other but hopefully that won't last. When things are good they are very good, but the bad times are painful.
Hopefully we can work through this.
Thank you though for your support, it means a lot
Hugs
Bridget
xxxx
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