Well, what can I say. Coffee Man arrived last night with a huge bouquet of deep red velvet roses. We went to the cinema and out for dinner where a most interesting conversation ensued.
My previous relationship was although mentally painful at the end, a turning point in my life. My ex was not only boyfriend, lover, partner, friend, he was also Master. Coffee Man has never experienced that type of a relationship before. I'm not entirely sure how it happended but the conversation came up over dinner. Although discrete, I did think the woman at the next table was going to choke at one point.
The outcome of this discussion is that he is interested in learning more. Where on earth do I go from here? I was the student, and here I am being cast in the role of tutor. I have friends in the scene over here but it somehow does not seem right to bring others in at this point. He wants to know what the scene is about but not too directly if that makes sense and I don't want to scare him. Sounds daft, scaring a potential Dom? I am probably hugely underestimating the way he would react but it is an odd situation for me and him.
He even had access to my toy box for the first time, it has been very carefully underwraps until now. He knew about my former relationship but it is the first time he has expressed an interest. His expressions were a picture. should have had my camera handy.
My mind has certainly not been on my study today though. Must do better tomorrow!
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2 comments:
Well, well, well...... behind every man there is a dominant streak?
It would be difficult though having to "teach" him, I am trying hard to work out the best way to approach it, I mean you cant just say "tie me up", as it defeats the whole concept....
Is it possible to teach? gawd Bridget this is very hard, ok, let me think, how did I learn? how did I know I was submissive? I had fantasies firstly about the usual BDSMish things, then I went online and looked at pictures, talked to people in chat rooms, I researched "submission" and "dominant", I read and researched the lifestyle and I gradually learnt that there is so much more to it than just sex, its a way of thinking, a certain mentality. So I guess Coffee Man needs you to talk, and talk and talk, about you, your needs (depending on how far they extend on the M/s side of things) then he needs to talk and tell you his deepest darkest secrets, fantasies, his desires and you will be able to judge whether he is truely dominant, or perhaps more interested in the dominant side of sex, as I believe there is a huge difference. It depends on what works for a couple.
Generally I can sense whether a Dom is completely dedicated to the lifestyle, or not. A Dom to me will portray certain mannerisms that tell me how Dominant he is. You will already know of certain mannerisms of Coffee Man that has indicated to you that he is dominant, otherwise you would never have had the conversation.
A really good movie to watch together on a Friday night would be "The Secretary", it deleves into our way of thinking (our submissive side), and a good movie to discuss afterwards and well..... *winks* you shall have to watch it... (if of course you havent before).
Perhaps look at some pictures online together? Perhaps just search the words "BDSM lifestyle" and read it together, print it out?
I dont think you could ever fully "teach" a Dominant to be controlling, there has to be inclination there in the first place, which obviously there is, Coffee Man just needs to be directed down the right track to express it, without it ending up false, if that makes sense?
Hope that helped a little! Acckk...soooo hard.
Let me know!
Cheers hun, oh and BTW I dont seem to have read your ending to my Master's story? eh? eh? eh? nudge, nudge.... perhaps write an ending and show Coffee Man of "your friend's blog" and the ending you wrote? Grins.
Hugs and kisses
me
Thanks rosie, that is such a help. Yes, he has displayed certain tendencies hence the conversation taking place. I think it was when I cheeked him and he threatened to put me in the corner of the restaurant to 'think about what I had said' that pulled the trigger for me. He did it in fun but you know there was just that certain something underlying.
My initiation to the world was through another person, I wanted to please Him (isn't that the first sign?) and He gently coaxed me through the right things to read, what behaviour pleased and displeased Him. Then gradually we went to munches together and he introduced me to another sub and that was my turning point.
I had been the traditional strait laced English girl but with a hidden naughty streak that I was afraid to let out. It would not have been appropriate with the ex-husband. It was only on entering the lifestyle that I really felt that I was being true to me. Even though it is private and my everyday friends have no idea, I still feel more myself. I'm not denying part of my personality.
He will never be the type for play parties, that's not his personality, and that does not worry me, but he has a lot of old-fashioned values as man as head of the household etc that he inherited from his father. The way he describes aspects of his childhood makes me wonder whether his parents where lifestylers? (smiles)
This is why I feel it would not just be the sexual side, he is already demonstrating a dominant streak there, pushing to see what I am comfortable with. His ex was very very straight. Missionary or nothing and usually nothing so he is exploring there.
He is a 'take charge' kind of guy. Ex-military and still got the mind set. I already find myself saying 'yes Sir' a lot (grin) He has those unmistakeable mannerisms.
I do have The Secretary so I think I may well be having a dvd evening with him.
As for your story, let me put my mind to it after Tuesday. (Last exam!) You really would not want an discussion of EU law creeping in at an inopportune moment! (giggle)
Thank you so much rosie
Hugs and kisses
Bridget
xxxxx
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