A calm day

I went to the gym this morning and worked very very hard. I've put on another pound- eeek! Stress and study is no good for your butt!

I went to see my mam who is looking much better than she was and has had no further falls luckily. She too is feeling fat and flumpy.

I went on to Coffee Man's and we had quite a nice afternoon, we went out for lunch and had a chat, some normality is back. I don't feel able to be as open with him as I was before, I feel very guarded. Like if I was to open up to him, he would throw it back at me and walk away. I know that is my own insecurities talking.

After husband no 2 having his affair and walking away and a string of failed relationships since, all of whom I have been really open and given my heart to. Ending with SR who I loved and hated at the same time. I thought I saw him this morning, it shook me up and left me tearful and on edge. If it was him he is cheating on the woman he left me for, but then, that's a possibility. He too cheated on me after all.

Coffee Man was so tender with me today. I was so reserved with him, and I know I was. Usually I bound up and hug him and kiss him, today it was almost a peck on the cheek and no more.

I need to sort my brain out. He won't put up with me for long acting like that.


I ended the day laying with the PC and trying new formats, not sure if I like the colours though...