The calm after the storm

Well Christmas and new year now seem like distant memories. They went in a whirl of family stuff. Did the traditional 'single daughter' thing over the festivities with the family. They never mention it but you can always see the equilibrium upset. The animals go by 2 by 2 and then oh, here comes the single daughter. The family don't know about E, so all I get are the pitying looks and , well, patronising comments I suppose. There were a few questioning looks as my phone beeped regularly though the day.

E is away right now, he has family connections 200 miles away that will keep him there for a while so I'm feeling a little lost. Strange huh?

We are talking daily, texting hourly, MSNing in between and I'm still missing him.

I've been working hard at college, more exams coming up soon and he is being exceptionally supportive. The weight which was starting to come off has come back on. I feel upside down and back to front and round the wrong way.

I'm not sure if he is going to be able to come back home, things are a little complicated and his youngest needs him.

Only time will tell.

Merry Christmas

That time of year again. Well Chistmas is well and truly upon us. Time to head down to my folks and be the single daughter again. E has his family around him so I shan't see him until the weekend. We will talk daily though.

I hope that everyone has a peaceful Christmas and a Happy New Year.

The end of Summer

The clocks went back at 2am this morning, all bar my body clock that is, so I have left E sleeping upstairs, He was working yesterday and was very tired.

So I have completed lots of (quiet) chores and the house is as it should be.

The end of a period always makes me stop and consider. When the clocks went forward I was still with CM (he rang on Friday, we talked for an hour, mainly about the other woman -his 'best friend' who still dominates his life) I was still very hung up on SR, I was missing the Dutchman. Truth be told I still miss the Dutchman. He is one of those guys that will always be in in my mind I think.

And now? I have met E, I am in a place in my mind that is calm and relaxed. It is the 1st anniversary of the eruption with SR next weekend and yet I am calm. I can see just how many things were wrong in that relationship and yet I hung on and tried to make it work. I must do some research - I can't remember who the patron saint of lost causes was but I'm sure I must have had an eye to her!

I am heading off to the gym soon, not sure why as I already feel bruised and battered from yesterday's session (gym not E)((although I do have a tingle and a redness to my rear that I cannot put down to the treadmill))

I have put on 7 pounds this last 2 months (ish) through non-attendance and working away so I need to get that back off again. E has promised to help and set me targets to work to. I weigh in on a Saturday and if it is only me looking it is a case of 'bugger must try harder next week' if E is watching He will set me tasks to do that He knows I hate in order to spur me on to the extra session in the gym or the healthy food choice.

I also know however that I will be rewarded for a loss as was demonstrated last night when He gave me a preview. I know however that there will be no repetition until I have lost 2 pounds!

That man knows how to motivate a girl! Time to get ready and take His tea before I go.

Still lax

Yes I know I know, I read another post today and it commented on how sometimes there is just no compulsion to blog.

One of the reasons I started my blog was to empty my brain of all those thoughts that clutter it up and cloud your judgement. Borne of sadness and confusion. Even when I was seeing Coffee Man I continued to blog, there was still something missing, since meeting E life seems more complete. I feel relaxed and comfortable, the feelings that SR stirred have been fulfilled.

I was skating on the extremes of a secret world, now I have been given the key. I feel like I have been given the most wondrous gift in the world.

Work is busy, frantic even and yet I feel calm, I know that the minute I clock off I am His and have just one responsibility and that is Him.

I never expected to feel this treasured, like a piece of fragile crystal does that seem strange? It is a wonderful feeling.

Examined

Well I completed my 2 exams today so fingers crossed I did ok. The results are due back in December just in time for Xmas!

E has been great dealing with my pre-exam stress out too. Even testing me on theories and models.

So what is E like, lovely? No I shouldn't say that, makes him sound very un dom like.

He is just under 6' tall (that's very tall compared to me!) He has lovely almost black hair with perhaps a few wispy grey bits creeping in (He blames me for them), he is 42 (single - just in case anyone was wondering - Rosie.....) he has broad broad shoulders and a tattoo on his upper right arm. His voice is to die for- very home counties English (think Hugh Grant?) and the deepest blue grey eyes. Piercing in fact.


He has been in the lifestyle for 15 years or so, so a lot more experienced than me, but because of that he is very gentle, persistent but gentle. Gradually bringing new experiences to me, not so quick that i run like a startled rabbit though.


All in all, life is still good!

Update

Thngs are still going well. I'm settling in to E's routines and life seems strangely calm and placid.

I do have exams on Wednesday which I am approaching with trepidation but, I hate exams. If I fail it will not be from lack of study. At the moment things are in my brain. Whether they still will be when I sit down I don't know.

e has been encouraging me and being very supportive.

Work has been frantic with so much driving this week. Traffic has been horrendous.

Me?

I came 0ut as altruist,E came out as Sentry - (so true!!) So what about you???

Very lax indeed

As I have been reminded it has been 8 days since I last posted (that sounds like I am reliving my Catholic past doesn't it - 8 days since my last confession....)

It has been an extremely busy 8 days, in fact I could say that I have been somewhat tied up :)

So what has been happening? Revision mainly, working up to the exams in 2 weeks time, working hard at my main job, and getting to know E.

I feel like I have known him forever and ever, he seems to understand my every thought, fear and need. He is the first person I speak to in the morning and the last I speak to at night. When I go to the wardrobe to choose what to wear, my thoughts are what would he like to see me in. My usually hyper personality is calm. Things that would rile me leave me untouched.

Life is good.

Busy day

I started early this morning and went to the gym. I came home and cracked on with my revision. I finished the last of the modules last night. So I have my revision plan all mapped out for what I need to do before the 10/10.

E came over for dinner last night, and we had a really lovely night, I cooked his favourite meal and dessert, he brought the wine with him and we sat and talked and played until about 2am. He had to go into work first thing so we left together.

I won't see him again until Monday as we both have things to do tomorrow. I have to write an essay of things i want to try and things that worry me and things that are strictly off limits before then. (Any suggestions on things to try would be gratefully received, I'm feeling very unimaginative today - too much economics study!!)

Wednesday

I worked from home today as there was so much to do and it was easier to do it without interruptions. As a result it's all done and only 5.45. yay!


I'm trying to get the last of my college books done too so that I can concentrate on the exams next month. 3 more modules. I should get another one done tonight. Hopefully it will be revision time from Saturday.

Ok milla, just for you - I met E at a local munch some time ago but the time was not right. We bumped into each other about 5 weeks ago got chatting and things had changed at his end. So, we started talking lots and made it official last week.

I am falling into routine so easily it's as if he has been around for years. Already I am taking his thoughts into consideration when i am doing anything, I'm not seeing him tonight, and I'm missing him already.

Smiles - happy and sub again!!

Ok ok so it wasn't macrame! Shibari - macrame hey it's almost the same, isn't it?

I feel like I've come home with E. There has been so much discussion taking place to ensure it is right and we are finding out about each other, likes and dislikes, limits etc.

I'm having limits set and he has placed reminders for me of my training. It's going to be a slow process but it feels right.

We are going to Birmingham for BBB next month, the next one is next Sunday but prior engagements are not conducive.



In other news i have only one more workbook to do to complete module. Exams are starting to loom and I'm getting jumpy!

Knot my usual Wednesday night

So, He is into macrame? I spent an interesting evening learning the basics of knots and methods of restraint.

I never realised how beautiful it could be and how sophisticated the skill. How balanced and co-ordinated it had to be.

I'm learning lots!

Slowly slowly

He rang last night, we were on the phone for over 2 hours again. Our working lives are similar and although he is local to me, work takes him away for long periods.

He makes me laugh and provokes thoughts that have never entered my consciousness.

I have remained quiet until now as, well, you know my luck, I wanted to be sure. This is the first time I have knowingly entered into a D/s relationship. With discussion and decisions made, I feel nervous, a little scared, excited, a whole plethora of emotions. Is that normal?

He has been totally open with me, and it feels more contractual right now than emotional as he wants me to be sure. I always thought that there was something missing in my 'normal' relationships and I suppose now we will know.

Wish me luck....

Nervous anticipation

I have met someone with whom I am in discussion. Not just anyone, but someone whom I have been getting to know and trust over a period of time.

He has similar life interests and is interested in a journey together.

There is no formal arrangement as yet, we will get to understand each other more first.

But fingers crossed......

School day

I had an assessment today at uni and passed! Don't know what score I got yet but at least it was a pass. I also got some advice on the assignment where I wasn't sure if I was on the right track.

I'm feeling really really tired today, I've not slept well recently, I'm not sure why it just seems I'm keep waking through the night. I've tried milky drinks and warm baths, early nights, reading before I turn out the light all sorts but still I'm restless.Hopefully it is just a phase.

Lunch

I went to lunch with SR's daughter and her boyfriend in their new home today. The first time we have really really chatted since the break up. She assured me it was safe as he had taken her to France for the weekend!

I tried to avoid her father's name coming up but she brought it up first. Primarily because she hates his new girlfriend (she calls her the witch) apparently she is really smug about 'winning' him. What she doesn't know and his daughter does is that he is also having intimate relations with a married woman. (snigger)

She feels forced out of her own home by this woman and her kids, she came home from uni (expected) to find her sons in her bedroom and no room for her in her own home. Her father defends the witch (as she shall henceforth be known) even before his own kids. The youngest daughter goes out drinking until 3am in the morning 3 times a week and barely scraped through her GCSEs. I am worried about her but can't do anything, her father ignores it whilst it does not interfere with his life.

I met his ex-wife once after a problem with the youngest last year, funnily enough I found out today that we actually have a mutual appreciation society. Odd huh?

So today was quite enlightening. I walked to the shop with the boyfriend whilst daughter no 1 made lunch, I got the unbiased side from him, he really hates SR for what he did to me. My next problem though is their house warming party, they want me to go but He will be there with the witch. What do I do???

giggles

Too much red wine!

I went to the gym today - a little easier than yesterday. Then went and had my hair cut.

Couldn't be bothered to cook tonight so I got a takeaway and a bottle of red. How bad is that?

Friday

I went to the gym for the first time this week, I only did half what I normally do and the sweat was just pouring out of me. I guess the bug is still with me.

I only have one part of my assignment left to do but I just could not get motivated today. I had a look at the assessment for next week though and put some thoughts together.

I did get the grass cut and the edges strimmed in the garden though. I thought I would get out there in the brief dry interlude.

I keep thinking of SR again today, I don't know why, probably the thought of the weekend looming in front and the knowledge she is there. I wish I could just get over this, it is so annoying. How long does it take for goodness sake???? I get so annoyed with myself. His daughter has asked me to visit her in her new home on Sunday. Be nice to catch up with her and her boyfriend.

Inspiration

I cracked on with my assignment today and got loads done which is good. I seemed to be able to get all the diagrams right and the models I needed just when I needed them. That rarely happens so hopefully it bodes well!

I still need to find a load of info out though. There is always tomorrow.

It didn't even get light today, been bathed in murky rainclouds all day! So much for summer!

Got a check up at the Drs tomorrow , only blood pressure and weight eeeeek

Still missing my Dutchman

Tuesday again!

Lax again.

Ok, so what has been occurring? I've been working hard all last week, going to the gym, and thinking.

I think too much I know, sometimes I should just let things be.

The dork made contact yesterday and we actually ended up having a bit of a laugh. No hopes are being held out there though.

SR's daughter made contact today, things have become unbearable in the family home with Him and the woman who was not going to be around for long and who is still there. She has asked me to go for dinner on Sunday.

I went to see Shrek today, it was funny. I went with my brother, he is as big a kid as me.

Oh and I have caught a cold, typical huh?

That's all folks!