School day

I had an assessment today at uni and passed! Don't know what score I got yet but at least it was a pass. I also got some advice on the assignment where I wasn't sure if I was on the right track.

I'm feeling really really tired today, I've not slept well recently, I'm not sure why it just seems I'm keep waking through the night. I've tried milky drinks and warm baths, early nights, reading before I turn out the light all sorts but still I'm restless.Hopefully it is just a phase.

Lunch

I went to lunch with SR's daughter and her boyfriend in their new home today. The first time we have really really chatted since the break up. She assured me it was safe as he had taken her to France for the weekend!

I tried to avoid her father's name coming up but she brought it up first. Primarily because she hates his new girlfriend (she calls her the witch) apparently she is really smug about 'winning' him. What she doesn't know and his daughter does is that he is also having intimate relations with a married woman. (snigger)

She feels forced out of her own home by this woman and her kids, she came home from uni (expected) to find her sons in her bedroom and no room for her in her own home. Her father defends the witch (as she shall henceforth be known) even before his own kids. The youngest daughter goes out drinking until 3am in the morning 3 times a week and barely scraped through her GCSEs. I am worried about her but can't do anything, her father ignores it whilst it does not interfere with his life.

I met his ex-wife once after a problem with the youngest last year, funnily enough I found out today that we actually have a mutual appreciation society. Odd huh?

So today was quite enlightening. I walked to the shop with the boyfriend whilst daughter no 1 made lunch, I got the unbiased side from him, he really hates SR for what he did to me. My next problem though is their house warming party, they want me to go but He will be there with the witch. What do I do???

giggles

Too much red wine!

I went to the gym today - a little easier than yesterday. Then went and had my hair cut.

Couldn't be bothered to cook tonight so I got a takeaway and a bottle of red. How bad is that?

Friday

I went to the gym for the first time this week, I only did half what I normally do and the sweat was just pouring out of me. I guess the bug is still with me.

I only have one part of my assignment left to do but I just could not get motivated today. I had a look at the assessment for next week though and put some thoughts together.

I did get the grass cut and the edges strimmed in the garden though. I thought I would get out there in the brief dry interlude.

I keep thinking of SR again today, I don't know why, probably the thought of the weekend looming in front and the knowledge she is there. I wish I could just get over this, it is so annoying. How long does it take for goodness sake???? I get so annoyed with myself. His daughter has asked me to visit her in her new home on Sunday. Be nice to catch up with her and her boyfriend.

Inspiration

I cracked on with my assignment today and got loads done which is good. I seemed to be able to get all the diagrams right and the models I needed just when I needed them. That rarely happens so hopefully it bodes well!

I still need to find a load of info out though. There is always tomorrow.

It didn't even get light today, been bathed in murky rainclouds all day! So much for summer!

Got a check up at the Drs tomorrow , only blood pressure and weight eeeeek

Still missing my Dutchman

Tuesday again!

Lax again.

Ok, so what has been occurring? I've been working hard all last week, going to the gym, and thinking.

I think too much I know, sometimes I should just let things be.

The dork made contact yesterday and we actually ended up having a bit of a laugh. No hopes are being held out there though.

SR's daughter made contact today, things have become unbearable in the family home with Him and the woman who was not going to be around for long and who is still there. She has asked me to go for dinner on Sunday.

I went to see Shrek today, it was funny. I went with my brother, he is as big a kid as me.

Oh and I have caught a cold, typical huh?

That's all folks!

Tuesday already?

Well, owing to any other outlet I have been throwing myself into the gym, full workout both yesterday and today. I put on 3 pounds last week (eeeekk how did that happen?) so I'm determined to get them off this.

Got my assignment results back, I passed, not a good pass but hey, it was a pass. I try to get more than that in the assignment as it gives me more scope for failure in the exam. I'm rubbish under exam conditions.

I really should be starting the next one now though.....

The wanderer returns!

It has been such a busy week. I've been working in the south west most of last week and then returned home via foot and mouth country.

Work went well though, got everything done that needed to be done.

Had my mother's birthday party yesterday, as usual I was on my best behaviour. Always the way with my family get togethers. I am designated driver and there for everyone else to be smug about. The single daughter - the failure!

The man on the periphery turned out to be a dork. Nothing ever works out in my love life. I should have known better.

A bit lax

I've been really short on time this week with one thing and another so I thought I would catch up now.


I picked up my gym stats for last month today:


Workouts:

CV Time: 16:21:11

CV Calories: 10355

Weight [kgs.]: 65,116

Not bad huh? have to see what next months are like, although I won't get there this week.

I am going to be away most of the week this week coming and doubt if I will have access at all to anything,internet or gym!

Update no 2:


Still not squealing but there is a new man wandering into the periphery of my life right now. He is away this weekend and I'm away next week. Isn't that just typical? He is making me feel good about myself though and making me smile and rush home to talk to Him.

I think that is all to report right now - still don't want to put the mockers on anything....

Life goes on - being a flirt :)

I've been away this week and just got home, I think I'm turning into a tart. It was a beautiful day and I had a spring in my step, a car park full of salesman and I could feel the eyes following as I sashayed past. Why is it that some days you've got it and some days you haven't? And why is it I only ever have it when I'm 200 miles from home with no chance of a follow up??

And yes ok, I may have a date on the horizon which has given me the spring in the first place. Not going to put the mockers on it by saying any more. And no I have not forgotten the Dutchman but it's been nearly 3 months with no word.

Even if he does contact me, I can't trust him not to vanish. So, life goes on.

Got an owie!

The weather was quite blustery this morning and as I loaded up the car the boot lid came down and hit me on the forehead :-(

I've already got a bruise formed, it's a good job I have a fringe!

So now I'm sat here listening to Olivia NJ's 'hopelessly devoted to you', Abba's 'one of us', Air Supply's 'all out of love' not to mention Damien Rice's 'cheer's darling' see what a bump on the head does to you?

I'm feeling guilty for my arseholes to the lot of em statement, in case something has indeed happened so just in case.

JB, Ik hou heel veel van je en mis je ontzettend

(hopefully I got the spelling right...I took it from an old text)

Tuesday

Still tired!

I was up and on the road early, did a presentation then straight to the gym. Up until yesterday, this month I have burned the equivalent of 99 apples in cardio and lifted 24 elephants. Not bad huh?

Did another 400 calories and 4536 kgs today.

I will get fit, the weight is not shifting though, what more can I do? Any suggestions?

Not a peep out of Dutchman or Coffee Man story of my life. I don't care. Arseholes to the lot of em!!!

Saturday

Coffee Man is coming for lunch today........





Well, he came, we had lunch, I admit we both flirted, there were many meaningful looks, we had lunch, he stayed 3 hours, kissed me and left.

I really don't know how I feel or what to do. Am I feeling lonely and clutching at straws? Have I lost all hope of ever hearing from the Dutchman?

I just don't know....

Memory

Do you ever get the feeling you have forgotten something? Something important? I've been like that all day today, just waiting for the you know what to hit the fan because I've missed something....

I had a bit of a catch up day though which was good, my brain is reeling from compiling all the data I need for next week's meeting. If I see one more excel spreadsheet I shall not be responsible for my actions!

I was back at the gym today - day 3 on the trot. And I managed to get my size 12 trousers on (does a happy dance)

Snoozy

I was working in London today but it actually turned out to be quite a short day. I went to the gym, back to the office to finish work then home. For the second day running I came home, sat down for '5 minutes' and woke up half hour later.

I am really really tired at the minute. I'm waking up too early so by now I've had it!

Must be the early morning sunshine - or the seagulls that insist on screeching outside of my open bedroom window......

Still no word from Holland :(

Welcome to the dark side....

I had to smile today, anyone reading this must think I'm a right miserable cow, bordering on manic depressive. One of my colleagues saw me trotting across the precinct from the office window and her first words to me were "you know you are always so cheerful and and got a smile on your face, what's your secret?" if only she knew what a miserable mare I am (giggle)

Reminds me of Rosie's recent enquiry about horoscopes and my comment on schizophrenia - you know I think I was only half joking. Whenever I have been at my lowest in life, and there have been a couple of really dark dark times, friends and particularly work colleagues have never known. I've always managed to hide it behind the little miss sunshine routine.

I can usually fool myself too, the more chirpy and happy I act the more it does rub off. I think I use this as an outlet sometimes just to get rid of the destructive thoughts and gain perspective on the situation.

It's funny in a warped sort of way but I spend some of my free time talking to people who are in despair and contemplating taking their own lives. They never know that I have been there and had it not been for an accident of fate I wouldn't be here now. I've lost count of the flowers and cards that have been sent to the office I work from over the years thanking me for helping them get through. The stories they tell can be so very sad sometimes. It makes you realise the blessings you have in life. It should be me thanking them for showing me that the things that engulf me are petty and small. I am embarrassed sometimes that I am so selfish.

Exhausted!

I was in the gym early this morning and did my full circuit with some increased weight and I stepped up the cardio too, I was absolutely dripping by the time I had finished (nice visual huh?)

I came home and started work here, I laid a 40sq ft patio, restacked the 10 20kg bags of sand I still have left over - ready to lay slabs on the other side of the garden, and mowed the lawn.

Oh I lost one pound too! :)

I've probably put it back on though as I was starving after all that and cooked a Chinese. Less fattening than a takeaway but still not salad!


I'm still thinking about SR, or more truthfully about His current girlfriend, the one He told me would not be around for long. She is there this weekend again. Like she is every weekend.

I suppose I'm feeling lonely, all my friends are hooked up and doing activities with partners and kids, and yes there is an open invitation but I feel the odd one out.

What did I do so wrong that I am still on my own. Even the bastard has her.

shrugs

Back to normal!

The queasiness past and I'm back to normal now, I don't know where that came from.

I had a productve day today, kept getting these flashes of inspiration, the boss loves me now! Keeps me below the parapet a while longer.

I went to the gym and did my circuit and came home and made a mackerel salad. More salad! Yuk!

SR is still playing on my mind, the Dutchman is still missing. Nothing ever changes.

Feeling icky!

That's it really, got a headache and an upset stomach. I never get an upset stomach :(

Too late now

Well, I've just posted the assignment off, I held fire because I wanted to check the cost benefit analysis out, I'm glad I did as I've been able to put more detail in.

I got 75% in the assessment yesterday, still a credit but not as good as last year's. But hey, as long as I pass. I would rather have got higher though. But it was a credit still.

I went to the gym today and half killed myself. It's not doing any good though, I'm eating like an anorexic rabbit and exercising my socks off but still the weight is not coming off.

What more can I do?