Unnaturally happy

Well, things are going marvellously. We are getting to know each other, likes and dislikes, hopes and fears, there is even a tentative discussion of a trip across the pond....

I am waiting for the bubble to burst and praying it doesn't. When He sends me off to bed at night i positively skip upstairs safe in the knowledge that He is caring for me and there for me.

He leaves little messages through His day for me to find on a morning, just to let me know i am in His thoughts.

I am finding the time difference hard, i am not accustomed to having to count hours to work out whether He is awake or asleep.

But, i am gloriously happy!

Hotels and Internet Connections

So, here we are, in a long distance relationship with a fabulous American. Hmm, is that what I shall call Him? The American...

He works in a similar manner to me, lives His life on the road and travels from hotel to hotel. This week saw the first interactions with both of us in hotels. Aaaaargh!

If it wasn't my connection dropping out it was His. How frustrating was that, we did get some unexpected time together today though. He has set me a task, I am to write a story for Him for His return. So, where do I start...

Answers on a postcard please!

Long distance relationships?

No, no way not me.... never....with a long distance Dom?? No!

Ok, so how many times have I said to myself that I could never do an online relationship? I have seen friends struggle, some succeed, some fail.

I have chatted with this Dom for years now, one of the first I spoke to when researching what was going on in my life and what these feelings were. He is an honest, funny, intelligent man. He has seen me go through peaks and troughs and always been there. And He is 3,500 miles away.

Recently, we started talking away from others, and it just clicked. We talked about my recent attempts at vanilla relationships and He just smiled and waited for me to come to the conclusion that He knew all along.

We have discussed visits, this will be difficult on both sides. But.....oh, this is mad. He is 3,500 miles away.

There are so many things, ideas, opinions and such like that we have in common, however there are 3,500 miles between us...damn damn damn damn damn.

He makes me laugh, I look forward to getting home from work to see a message or two from Him. He looks forward to mine too.

But He is 3,500 miles away.

Have I mentioned He is 3,500 miles away!

What on earth am I doing?

the date...

Well, he was intelligent, funny and a perfect gentleman. Very good company indeed....

but....no sparks, no violins....sighs

But at least he will make a very good friend.

Still searching...

Here we go again....wish me luck

Ok, let's get back on the horse, I'm going on a date tonight. We've been texting and talking on the phone for a week, he seems to have the same sense of humour as me. He's local. Good job, well educated (I really missed that with the last one - no verbal sparring or discussions on the big things in the world) and................younger than me....and a tri-athlete. Oh shit! So, what is he going to see in the older woman with more than a few spare pounds on her?

Ah well, nothing ventured nothing gained!

If nothing else we can hold a good conversation.

Mixed emotions

I saw some photos today of SR. The witch was also in the photos. She looked as chubby and (especially as they were at a party) looked as if no effort at all had been made. And no that's not me being bitchy. My hair assumes both a life and a personality of its own, yet if I am out with my man at a party it is tamed into submission. (Deliberate choice of words!) He has grown a double chin and a paunch too. He looked happy enough but even in photos where they were together he wasn't looking at her.
Am I just reading into these pics what I want to see? Probably....

You know, people are in your past for a reason, there is a damned good set of reasons he didn't make it into my future. When I am being logical, he has anger management issues and can be violent (uncontrolled anger is not good in a Dom) he was selfish. He cheated. He made his kids lie to me. (I am still great friends with one of them) My family hated him. He ruined my mother's birthday party that my sister held for her. He insulted their guests. So, why the hell do I still think of him?

I am so very cross with myself!

Making sense of the non-sensical

Maybe i am naive, but how many more innocents have to die? Each day from the comfort of our safe lives we hear of slaughter and destruction, deaths of children by fire and shell.

This piece from the Guardian describes the situation well.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/07/gaza-israel-palestine

So it is outside of our monkey sphere but even so how can we let it go on?

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to one and all!

A Christmas Wish

Now, obviously, world peace and an end to all suffering is top of the real list but I thought I would compile a just for fun list to aid my shattered love life...

Dear Santa,

Please may I have a man to appreciate my stockings, can he be:

Tall
Blond
Have a quirky smile
A big nose - I don't know I just do!!!
Be rugged
Be assertive
Be over 35....
Be under 60...
Be genuine
Be honest
Be able to be taken home to my parents
Be interesting
Have lived a life
Have no baggage!
Have the capacity to love and be loved
Be tender
Be accepting of my life
Be caring

Have I missed anything?

Hmm, I don't think he exists, maybe I should keep believing in Santa....

Another one bites the dust....wanted a real man!

We went away for the weekend, I was home by midday Sunday.

I can't deal with a man who can't even decide whether he wants tea or coffee without me choosing. For the whole weekend I have asked 'what would you like to do?' The weekend was supposed to be a treat for his birthday. Every time I asked he said ' I don't know' what do you think?

I took him away to a beautiful part of the country, it's near the sea, near an area of outstanding natural beauty, near a bustling city, near an old medieval city, so many choices, galleries, theatres, museums, wildlife, zoos, country walks, river walks, and yet he still said...it's a bit limited.

Is there no such thing as real men any more? Are they so emasculated that they cannot just be anymore?

Sighs sadly..........

Snuffle!

And now I have a cold! Grump!

Emotionally retarded

I was listening to this song on the radio today, it's an old one I've known all my life, and it served to remind me how emotionally retarded I am.

I'm still dating but can feel myself pulling back, finding reasons to bolt, running scared

If You Could Read My Mind

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell.

Just like an old time movie'
Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.

And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see.

If I could read your mind love
What a tale your thoughts could tell.

Just like a paper back novel
The kind the drugstores sell.
Then you reached the part
Where the heartaches come
The hero would be me.
But heros often fail

And you won't read that book again
Because the ending 's just too hard to take!

I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script.
Enter number two:
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out of me.

But for now love let's be real;

I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.

I don't know where we went wrong
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back.

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet.

But stories always end
And if you read between the lines
You'd know that I'm just
Tryin' to understand the feelin's that you (I) lack.

I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back!

Freedom

Well, at last the exams are over, so providing I passed that's it. I just have to wait for the results now in 10 weeks time. How can it take so long to mark? I know that there were 14 sides of handwritten A4 (my hand hurts!) but even so, that's like 1 and a quarter a week (ish)!

So, apart from the dissertation which I will try and do as much at work as I can, my free time is now just that....freeeeeeeeeeeeee! Yippee!!!!!

Things are going well on the dating front too, we are going away for a few days next week so wish me luck!

Right, time to do the housework, so much for free time eh?

Saturday night!

Well, owing to a change of plans, number 5 was preceded by number 4.5. This lasted all night after an innocent invitation to 'coffee' after he walked me home....

He makes me smile, he has a twinkle in his eye and doesn't give a jot about the lumpy bits that wobble.

Time for a gallon of coffee and some revision!

Number 5

Still going strong...... Roll on Monday

First flush of lust....

What's that song..."I could have danced all night, ....." well, date number three went really rather well, I think I need a fourth though just to check....have to make that Thursday.....

I could have danced all night
I could have danced all night
And still have begged for more
I could have spread my wings
And done a thousand things
I'd never ever done before
I'll never know what made it so exciting
But all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced, danced, danced, danced
Bed? I couldn't go to bed
My head's too light to try to settle down
Sleep? I couldn't sleep tonight
Not for all the jewels in the crown!
I'll never know what made it so exciting
But all at once my heart took flight
I only know when he began to dance with me
I could have danced, danced, danced, danced all night

Ok Ok I know, it's lust and it will fade but it's great whilst it lasts, reality will kick in soon enough!

A date!

Ooooh a potential hopeful one! It's late and I'm heading to bed but suffice it to say part 2 is Friday night! He has already text me to say he had a good evening and he is looking forward to Friday!

Watch this space!

Operation Stack!

I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!!

Why is it that when I have been working away, I'm tired and grouchy and just want to get back to the convent, something happens to make Operation Stack be put in place so I can't get back?

Grumps off t make a cup of tea.....

So what are the entry requirements for entering a convent?

Well the hunk of love that was advertised and who had e-mailed me was actually Mr Bean, with a clammy handshake and a good line in running tales....

Never has 45 minutes seemed so long!

He was older than his picture, in fact I'm not even sure the picture was him...

He wouldn't decide if he wanted coffee or a cold drink until I chose, nor would he decide where to sit until I did..... every opinion I had he agreed with....even when I started espousing some really odd ideas just to see if he agreed.....he did!

So nope....not the love of my life?

Friends....? Who'd have them?

For my birthday, a couple of friend from college decided to set me up on an internet dating site.The type where they as 'friends' try to sell you by listing all your good points! I've only just got the courage to tell all.

I have been out on 3 'dates' so far.

• 1) was a smoker, pretending he wasn't, arrogant, chauvinistic, and a total bore
• 2) was quite nice but a bit of a chav...(urbandictionary.com has a good description) I got told off for turning this one down as he is rich, good looking, got a great job, car the works, but he was a chav and I am a snob!
• 3) likes cats, I know I like cats but they are not my sole conversation piece. He was definitely the type that you would open a cupboard door and expect to see his mother who had passed away 5 years previously perfectly preserved.

So it has been a busy couple of weeks. Date number 4 is tomorrow. Watch this space, I shall try to keep you up to speed. I am not expecting to meet the man of my dreams, after all the lifestyle I prefer is not exactly common, but in this sleepy part of the world the chances of SuperDom walking into my life are decidedly slim.

Just for information, tomorrow's is an accountant, non-smoker, no kids, claims to be good looking! Let's see what turns up!