Today was SR's daughter's birthday so I rang to wish her a happy birthday. First time I have spoken to her since the Xmas incident. She seemed to be happy to hear from me?
Long pause
Thoughtful silence
Someone has accessed Dutchman's e-mail as the mail I sent early last month was read. I've sent another asking to know if he is alive or not. Perhaps I shouldn't have??
Confused
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4 comments:
Okay...you sent the email "early last month" and have just received notification that it has been read.
Logically, its ONLY just been read.
Second, you sent an email asking if he was dead. I would have also. Has that one been read?
Thirdly hon, if the email you sent "early last month", ie June, ie over 4 weeks ago, has only just been opened it means he has had some sort of delay. Perhaps he is still abroad, perhaps there are other issues. Bridget hon, when he has done this in the past have you trusted? Has there been a valid excuse? Has he come up with an apology? Has there ever been anything sinister other than what is in your mind?
Ok, I am very much one to say "swine, pig, arsehole, dickhead" etc etc. That is wrong of me. There have been so many times when I have not heard from CK and I have said the same things (in the past). CK has told me to "never assume". I have learnt that perhaps long distance, and the communication available to us is defininitely not the ultimate option, but I have learnt to trust.
Whenever there is a delay with CK I now stop. I bide time, yeah I chew fingernails and yes...on really bad paranoid occasions I email YOU...(smiles)...but there is always a reason and I am trying to learn and I am trying to trust.
Part of me is so scared of trust. The other part says "go for it you have gone this far, how much worse can the let down or hurt be than it already would be".
Time and time again, over 5 years now my Master has alleviated my insecurities.
Trust yourself, trust in what the dutchman does say to you, open yourself up, how much worse can it be?
Only you know the conversations you have with him, only you know of the relationship you once shared, only you know of the details.
Bridget, my sweetest, most loving caring friend ... trust.... trust yourself.
What you hear when you spoke to dutchman was not imagined, what you felt was not imagined.
If it were imagined what has he actually gained? What your conversations held were true, from Him and yourself. Dont go back on those conversations and see or hear something that wasnt.
They were and are as they were.
He will be back, there will be a reason, its a matter for you whether you trust to believe his reason.
Love you sweet and I have rambled and perhaps this should have been sent via email.
xxxx
Its nice the daughter likes & trusts you. Those relationships are important, something to do with our shifting sense of family.
Ok, I've just got to the hotel and yes the first thing I did was check the status, it was read half hour ago. He's rubbish at e-mail (he struggles with written English if it is not the technical stuff of his trade) so I'm possibly not expecting an e-mail but hoping.
As for when he has done it before, the reasons have alwys been plausible, he uses the if i didn't care i wouldn't ring routine and i fall for it every time.
He is unreliable, everything is going great and then he panics, bolts and then comes back. As I've said before he really is no good for me but..... part of me will always love him.
I sometimes think he is living a double life. I don't know.
I so want to believe him, but his last words to me were "we'll do coffee next week."
I suppose I should wait and see whether he replies......
Thank you so much (once again) for your reassurance and long distance support.
You have a way of putting thngs in perspective and taking some of the paranoia away.
hugs n stuff
Bridget
xxxxxxx
Hi Stagger,
I feel honoured that my ex's girls still feel comfortable with me, their father was, well - that's another story, but at least they are still comfortable with me and see me as a responsible adult (how did that happen?) when they need one.
Bridget
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