Nearly Friday

Today was a very long day but not bad, Dorset was lovely, the weather was great, the meeting went well, the traffic - well as ok as it gets.

feeling very weary and not quite with it though.

I found out where the Dutchman had gone, his phone had been stolen last week and he had to get a bill to find my number again. After we split last time he went back to Holland so I only had his mobile when he came back. He has now given me home number, new mobile nmber, e-mail, work phone so that we don't lose contact again. I think the reason I was lost for the past few days was because I thought he had done it again. He suddenly upped sticks and went back to Holland 3 years ago. This was after a discussion about commitment and my inability at that point. He just went. it was completely out of the blue when he made contact again.

We had a really deep talk a fortnight ago when I poured out my heart about things with Coffee Man and that was the last time we talked. I thought I had said something wrong and he had bolted again.

He rang when I was driving home. I was beaming like a cheshire cat.

He is not right for me, he is too unreliable, but then so is Coffee Man. I need someone half way between the two, reliable, safe and sensible but with a spark, that certain something that makes you tingle inside, Dutchman gives me that tingle, Coffee Man gives me the security. I can't be the person either of them needs.

I need to be brave and strike out on my own.