Sunday

Where do I start, last weekend I felt really relaxed and comfortable with him. Now I don't know what to think or feel.

Thursday evening he knew I was upset but left it 4 hours before he rang. I didn't pick up. He then rang my mobile and then text me. He then rang the home phone again. I left it an hour and text him to say that I would drop his things off on Friday, if he was out i would leave them with the builders.

He text back saying we should talk so I bathed and went to bed. He text Friday morning to say that he still wanted me to come for the weekend. I said I wasn't sure.

I didn't leave work until late and when I got to his he was hoe. And guess what. So was she!!! She was at his house as she has loaned him a bed. She then told him to put the kettle on. Whilst he was in the kitchen she asked if we had had a tiff as the atmosphere was frosty. I didn't elaborate to much, she was there for ages.

When she eventually left she whispered that she would leave us alone for a 'team talk'. I'm struggling for words here.

The patronising bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111

Sorry, I looked for a politically correct way of explaining my feelings and couldn't. We sat for a couple of hours and talked. I told him exactly what was troubling me, about how she was always there and he always spoke of her. He explained that over the last few years they had leaned on each other and he found it hard to stop now. I explained that I hated the way he told her everything and he has promised not to. He admitted that he had told her about the current tiff. So her 'detecting a frosty atmosphere' was a load of rubbish. I had done my best to cover it and be light and easy in her presence.

He even told me he loved me, something that is rarely said, indeed never unless I bring up the conversation. He did not realise how upset I was.

I dried my eyes and we went to his friends' who were getting married. It was the first time I had met them. They were so welcoming and friendly towards me.

The wedding yesterday went well and again I was made welcome by his friends and he was very attentive despite his duties as best man. He kept me near all day. Today was finishing off those duties and seeing them all again, taking the presents over and the suits to the hire shop.

I couldn't let him touch me though. I was still too fraught. No doubt I shall be back where I was last week by next week but... oh I don't know......

Am I flogging a dead horse? I believe he does genuinely care but he finds it hard to express his feelings. I find this hard as I get so insecure. History has made me this way and however hard I try to break the Pavlovian conditioning it still lurks there in the back.

Wow!

Well, I've had a busy few days whilst I have been away, yes I know that is not unusual at the moment, life is frantic. I went looking at cars on Saturday and test driving them on Sunday, spent the night with Coffee Man on Saturday which was entertaining. Where he is having building work done, and where the weather has been absolutely wild with torrential rain and strong winds, his roof (what little of it there is at the minute) was leaking like a sieve, so I spent the night with him up a ladder or mopping. It was fun though, we felt really close.

Sunday was gym as normal, I came home and studied and then he came over for dinner. I was feeling unwell through the night, I had really bad cramp, he went and made me a herbal tea, came back to bed, hugged me and told me he loved me. Yes, he told me he loved me!!!

I have been really unsure about his feelings, he was badly hurt before and where I am an open book and you know my thoughts and feelings just to look at me, the most he had ever said before was that he liked me, a lot, but last night, he held me and told me he loved me.

I know I'm repeating myself but it came as such a shock. No, surprise. I asked when this had come about and he said he had been thinking about it for a few days.

So, wow!

He loves me!!!!!!