I don't know if it is because of broken sleep or if I'm just working too hard right no but I am so darn tired.
I've been keeping up the chirpy alway happy to help out persona for months now hoping nobody will notice that it is just an empty shell and the essence of me that used to be there is not present.
Nobody has said anything, I guess the shell is performing adequately, should I be worried? I still feel as if I am in some strange out of body experience, I hear the words that come out of my mouth, see the expressions changing on my face, smiling politely, looking concerned when required, laughing at jokes but I'm not present inside. Ever since E made the decision that He had to go back to look after His daughter and consequently the marital home I have been in this alternate universe where nothing reaches me.
About Me
- The Real Bridget Jones
- A 30 something singleton (again) leading a life that is complicated, not least because she is living a Vanilla life currently. The blog may sometimes contain references to this lifestyle, please do not be offended, it is my blog and my thoughts and life. Update No longer vanilla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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2 comments:
Bridget hon,
I know NOTHING about psychology at all, but what concerns me is the fact that you are holding everything in and feeling so dam miserable inside.
I worry that because people around you cannot see your true emotions that you will continue to hide them until they manifest into something inside of you that becomes out of control, and that you are no longer able to control that state of depression.
Bridget, please, could you talk to your doctor? Please hon? You are a very intelligent woman, you know you are an intelligent woman. You know you are in control, you know you wont do anything "silly", yet when that deep-seeded sadness takes control perhaps you are not able to see past it?
Perhaps you need to take the "intelligent" step now, even though you are battling in your head telling youself you dont need any "help", particularly a doctors (because going to a doctor is giving in isnt it... in your head.... and mine too hon - when I battle inside telling myself I am normal and dont need a doctor) BUT if you are hiding these feelings from absolutely everyone (and its not just the current issues - its the past issues with SR and the baby) I am worried that all of it is going to get too much and I would like you to talk to someone before it does hon.
I am concerned for you Bridget and without lecturing and without being condescending and patronising, I am simply stating to you, what you would state to another.
Please consider it.
Hugs and a big smooch
rosie
xxxx
thank you Rosie, I do appreciate your thoughts and kind words. Yes, I've been here before, and I know I will get through it, it is a matter of time. I guess being disengaged I can see what is happening, and I'm alert to the dangers. Having balanced on the precipice once before I am in no hurry to return. Right now I'm coping, but I will heed your advice, I have access to specialists through my line of work, they helped me to put things into perspective when I miscarried the 2nd time. I'm just taking it day by day.
Hugs
Bridget
xxxx
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